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Love Me Tinder pt. 2

In the old days before the internet, you had to scour the streets at night like a hungry wolf, hunting for a girl that reminds you of your mother. Once you found a girl you actually had to talk to her. Even if you do manage to score a date it’ll be two months until the lies you tell each other start to fall apart and you really get to know her. You might already be married by the time you realize the two of you have nothing in common. Sure, people lie online, but you can still scan profiles for red flags like Wiccan, princess, fluffy, pregnant, and, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.”

One of the pitfalls of Online dating is what psychologist Barry Schwartz describes in his book “The Paradox of Choice” as decision fatigue. It’s like when you only had seven television channels to choose from. You flipped through the stations and either found something you were happy with or went and did something else until The Price is Right came on. Now you have three hundred channels and there’s nothing to watch. With more options come higher expectations and less happiness. Buddha said that shit about 1600 years ago but nobody read his profile because he’s fat. So now, instead of walking into the booty interview wearing your best suit to make a good impression; you email your resume to booty HR, where it goes in a slush pile with 10,000 other applications. Then Snowflake picks Casanova over fifty qualified soul mates because he padded his credentials with the right keywords. Casanova doesn’t even want the soul-mate job. He’s going to quit showing up for work as soon as he gets a blowjob and Snowflake is left wondering why she can’t find a man.

It would be easy to be angry at Snowflake but remember, she has 10,000 applications to sort through. Instead of hitting up every girl at the bar until he finds one that thinks he’s cute, he just swipes right all day long until he gets a few nibbles. Casanova landed the...

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