The teacher was looking at me, waiting for a reaction, something he could work with. An apology, a sign of reform.
They called our parents in and all that shenanigans. I overheard the teacher telling them:
"...at least the [other kid] cried, he responded. [Your son] didn't say a word. He seemed confused, no remorse at all. I don't know.."
I thought "Am I suppose to feel something? It seems that everyone is expecting me to feel bad, but I don't".
But I almost cried when I lost my favorite pen some days later. What the fuck was that...
Perhaps I am reallocating the emotions, dunno.
I have more examples like that, even some gloomy and grim ones where I was supposed to feel SUPER sad but I didn't.
I even had to fake emotions just so I didn't offend other people. As I grew older, I realized that I care about a selective few. But to such deegre, that I don't get bothered with anything unless it includes those 3-4 people or ME.
Yeah, ME. That was the piece of the puzzle that was missing.
I had a fucking ego the size of Hillary Clinton's hypocrisy. I just disguised it very efficiently.Narcissim and Empathy
What if I told you that highly empathetic people are also garden variety narcissists?
It seems like an oxymoron, but think about it.
If you assume that everything is your responsibility and everyone is dependent on you... where does that put you in the dominance hierarchy?
For an empath, everything revolves around them. "I feel bad for him/her, I have to do something, it's in my control".
ME ME ME.
I know it's kinda blurry, but the people who need to understand this, get it.
You care so much about anyone, like you are their patron, one step above them.
It is a double edged sword...
Anyway, if you noticed, I used past tense when I was describing myself. That's because as I grew older, I developed more nuanced emotional responses that can potentially include more people. While I still retain some of my maldaptive features, I can safely say I won't go the the asylum any time soon.
You can sleep without fear I guess.
-ThatredbeardguyP.S- I hope everyone understands that most of the stuff I wrote apply to a fairly large group of "boys". I say boys and not men, because it's mostly pre-pubescent boys who have issues acknowledging their emotions. Now, could you upvote and resteem this post please? I hope you do... if you don't that's ok... I don't care... I am not snappy at all...fucking piece OF SH...
More super duper posts from me:
I also have a T W I T T E R I don't use.