FTX to buy moon from US government for $1.1 billion

medium.com1m ago

EXCLUSIVE: FTX to buy moon from US government

According to our source the $1.1 billion deal between FTX.com and US government and CIA is being negotiated

FTX, the casino powerhouse, rivaled only by CZ’s floating shitcoin mall, is rumored to announce next week the acquisition. According to our source, the deal was brokered by Michal Saylor, theCEO of Microstraigty, Saylor turned the CMO of FTX on to the idea at an event in Dmitriy Buterin’s private dungeon, where only men and sex workers are allowed.

Saylor mentioned that the moon was now “up for grabs” information he learned from Udi Wertheimer’s handler.

And so, it was now time for SBF to step up. No longer will the taxpayer pay for maintaining the moon. From March 15th 2022 it will be funded by FTX’s deep coffers and there are plans to renovate it as a cold storage facility.

From FTX’s leaked internal presentation

The value of the moon is estimated at $1.1 Billion dollars and the deal is not to truly to purchase but to lease the moon for 33 years from th United States government who requested to receive 25% of the ,money up front in cash, while agreeing to accept 7% of the deal’s value in FTT tokens.

Popular belief has is that the moon is not owned by any concern or nation — a blatant lie. Facts site Wikipedia claims an international Outer Space Treaty, facilitated by what appears to be a shady non-profit called “The UN”, conveniently claim that the moon is owned by no one. That truth is that according to the zoning office in Washington, DC, it is owned by the CIA and soon by expanding cryptocurrency and global Web3 technology conglomerate -FTX.

“Space was always the next step. NFT’s are only the launch pad to our inter-planetary empire of gravity defying finance”

But the moon is only the beginning.

“The moon will also house a data beam to space, aiming to attract new speculators and unbanked UFO’s and search for new market. The crypto industry’s mantra has always been one of pluralism- a sucker is a sucker, no matter their skin color or species, unless it’s a US citizen. We only answer to one higher power- the Bahamas’ IRS.” FTX‘s representative explained to us on Telegram. FTX VS Lockheed Martin

Though the moon has been unprofitable to maintain for over half a decade, the US government was at first skeptical of FTX’s offer. But with help from the CIA liaison officer, Udi Wertheimer’s handles, who is known for his deep industry experience, the value was understood: Instead of the government paying Lockheed Martin to maintain the moon, FTX would pay the government for the ability to use it for publicity purposes, and maintain it for free!

In return for the introduction, FTX agreed to send 3 expert Solidity developers to Lockeen Martin’s Chain-Anaylsis division.

The end of Sam?

According to The Brainlet’s space attorney, Uri Anus, the move for the moon was one too many. FTX, Alameda Research and their executives will be tried for NPC abuse and financial psyops at the Supreme Court of the Andromeda Galaxy starting August of 2022.

Alameda Research growth projection: Bitcoin market capitalization VS the moon Are there taxes in space?

Spokesperson for the Kremlin answered our request for comment:

“If the moon’s sale goes trough we also expect to receive $1.1 billion from FTX.”

The IRS commented:

”The gravity of the IRS can be felt on the moon. We can see your income on the moon and we expect to it to be reported and calculated correctly.”

Spokesperson for Lockheed Martin answered our request for comment:

“We can not comment on this or any deal at his time or comment on how many employees Lockheed Martin has acquired from any casino or NFT or ponzinomics related firms in the last decade.”

Written by ponzinomics PhD Wanda Poinzberg for Brainlet International